For the past 11 years I have experienced a desire for self-discovery and understanding growing at a rapid rate; simultaniously developing a deep longing for knowing and experiencing God. It all began with an unexpected major life transition, during which I found myself faced with a new reality and new expectations for my personal health and wellbeing. In order to move forward I would have to face my past and address the wounds and demons left behind. To move forward I engaged in introspection, journaling and slowly beginning to pay more attention to what was happening inside. At the same time my outward searching began. I saw that I had been living off of a faith that wouldn't be enough to survive on in the future. I realized that I had been working up an appetite for deeper understanding of God for quite some time and now, I was ravenous.
I grew up in a conservative denomination deep in the Bible Belt of America. My religious tradition instilled pride in our "superior theology", what we believed to be the purest and most developed understanding of God and Christian scripture. Unfortunately such certainty creates an environment ripe for spiritual and religious abuse. The fundamental understanding of a retributive God created for me a traumatized dualistic (either/or mentality) view of the world. This world view saw Good and Evil and it was my constant (impossible) task to sort through with good judgement which was which and operate accordingly.
The pressure was immense, too much for me to take. I eventually left with a fractured faith- bits of dogma mixed in with a theology of a punishing God that was at best incomplete and at worst sadomasochistic.
11 years ago I decided to begin again and to began to enthusiastically pursue a personal experience with Divine Love as I rebuilt my understanding of God. The searching and sifting I've gone through in this past decade have been life changing. As I delved deeper into my searched for the God I fell in love with the desert fathers and mothers, early Christian mystics. In reading their biographies I found people who were living not with a heady belief in God of blind allegiance to doctrine but rather humble fellow humans who were having the experience of God. These experiences weren't the legalistic teachings of my childhood, they were daily practices diving into Divine Mystery contemplating on Christ and living that reality. Through the lives of the mystics I began to learn that there were people who actually lived in God experiencing the Mystery and operating daily out of that place.
The Mystics I read about were experiencers of God and can be found throughout history in many traditions leading all the way to today; this discovery has been my delight! As I researched I began to find the traditions had been passed down. There were modern mystics; people like Jesuit priest and paleontologist Theilhard de Chardin, theologian and pastor Howard Thurman and Catholic monks Thomas Merton and Thomas Keating. I followed the trail of mystics all the way up to finding my own Spiritual Directors, and eventually to the steps of the Metagem Institute for Spiritual Direction Formation.
When beginning my studies at Metagem I was not planning to be a Spiritual Director, I was searching for more healing and growth. Through that program I have been consistently challenged to see God in bigger and more diverse ways, which in turn have led my soul's boundaries to grow father and wider. My awareness of Divine Love working in my life and in the world has grown and I have had the joy of experiencing continued healing as I walk gratefully down this path.
These mystic influences accompanied by Spiritual Direction have allowed me to heal from the spiritual abuses and trauma of my past and have enriched my life and realtionships so much that I eventually found myself with a deep desire to participate as part of the soul care and companioning that I had benefited by. It was grace that I have been given the opportunity to continue on this healing spiritual journey and I am excited to accompany others as they travel on their own spiritual paths.
+ Note + Please contact me with any questions and/or comments! As a beginner on this spiritual writing journey feedback is very much welcome. :)
Comentarios